Placing emphasis on the right idea and right word in a sentence is an art. In the UK this isn’t something we really played with as children, which I think is a crying shame. In the US it’s standard grade-school fare, as far as I understand it.
I don’t really ever toying with word order or fiddling around to get the perfect effect. Shame.
Below is an example of a process called sentence combining.
You get a cluster of ideas, which you use to play around with until you get the sentence that works best for your story.
Here’s a basic cluster:
The apartment was quiet
It was punctuated by ticking
The ticking was soft
The ticking was insistent
The ticking came from a clock
And here’s what I made out of that cluster. Some I like, some I don’t, but look at the difference in each of the sentences, achieved simply by moving the words and ideas around.
Sometimes I add a word to alter the meaning of the sentence, but, for the most part, the words stay the same. It’s just word order and use of punctuation that places the emphasis.
- The quiet in the apartment was punctuated by ticking. The soft, insistent ticking of the clock.
- It was the ticking clock, soft and insistent, that punctuated the quiet of the apartment.
- It was the quiet apartment punctuated by the soft, insistent ticking of the clock.
- It was the clock, ticking, soft and insistent, that punctuated the quiet of the apartment.
- What punctuated the quiet of the apartment was the ticking of the clock, insistent but soft.
- Soft and insistent, the ticking of the clock punctuated the quiet of the apartment.
- The apartment was quiet; only the ticking of the clock, soft and insistent, punctuated that quiet.
- There was a ticking, soft and insistent, that punctuated the apartment’s quiet.
- All that punctuated the quiet of the apartment was the ticking of the clock, soft but insistent.
- Only the ticking of the clock punctuated the quiet of the apartment.
- But, punctuated only by the soft, insistent ticking of the clock, the apartment was quiet.
- Punctuated only by ticking clock, soft and insistent, the apartment was quiet.
Which do you like most? Why?
