Placing emphasis on the right idea and right word in a sentence is an art. In the UK this isn’t something we really played with as children, which I think is a crying shame. In the US it’s standard grade-school fare, as far as I understand it.

I don’t really ever toying with word order or fiddling around to get the perfect effect. Shame.

Below is an example of a process called sentence combining.

You get a cluster of ideas, which you use to play around with until you get the sentence that works best for your story.

Here’s a basic cluster:

The apartment was quiet

It was punctuated by ticking

The ticking was soft

The ticking was insistent

The ticking came from a clock

And here’s what I made out of that cluster. Some I like, some I don’t, but look at the difference in each of the sentences, achieved simply by moving the words and ideas around.

Sometimes I add a word to alter the meaning of the sentence, but, for the most part, the words stay the same. It’s just word order and use of punctuation that places the emphasis.

  1. The quiet in the apartment was punctuated by ticking. The soft, insistent ticking of the clock.
  2. It was the ticking clock, soft and insistent, that punctuated the quiet of the apartment.
  3. It was the quiet apartment punctuated by the soft, insistent ticking of the clock.
  4. It was the clock, ticking, soft and insistent, that punctuated the quiet of the apartment.
  5. What punctuated the quiet of the apartment was the ticking of the clock, insistent but soft.
  6. Soft and insistent, the ticking of the clock punctuated the quiet of the apartment.
  7. The apartment was quiet; only the ticking of the clock, soft and insistent, punctuated that quiet.
  8. There was a ticking, soft and insistent, that punctuated the apartment’s quiet.
  9. All that punctuated the quiet of the apartment was the ticking of the clock, soft but insistent.
  10. Only the ticking of the clock punctuated the quiet of the apartment.
  11. But, punctuated only by the soft, insistent ticking of the clock, the apartment was quiet.
  12. Punctuated only by ticking clock, soft and insistent, the apartment was quiet.

Which do you like most? Why?

 

 

Proofreader, copy-writer and copy-editor

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